Why when you offer to help do people not take it?
Where you congruent?
I wonder if your actions would have been congruent?
Has this ever happened to you?
You are sitting at your desk working on something. Another person comes up to you and asks, “Can you help me with…?” You answered, “Yes”, and sometimes they just look at you and say, it’s ok, I’ll ask someone else or figure it out on my own.
Then you are left sitting there at your desk thinking to yourself – what just happened – they asked, I offered?
Or lets say you walk into that big box retail store and they say, “Can I help you?”
You respond with, “No, just looking.” The sales person just turns tail and lets you be and you happily go about shopping without being bothered by that person.
So what is the difference? Nothing really – your actions are congruent with your thoughts even though your words may not be.
In the first example it will all depend on how you said “Yes”. In the second example, usually your “No” is more consistent with your thoughts (state), and body language therefore you get the behavior you are expecting.
For those that have heard me speak about emotional state (Page Link: What emotional state did you wake up in today?) and behavior patterns and breaking the loop, you are probably saying to yourself, “Ohhh here is another clue as to why things happen the way they do.”
For those going I have no clue what he is talking about that is ok – keep reading, then go back and read some of the related articles.
Big insight for this week is: Your emotional state (happy, sad, angry, confused, etc.) influences your body language, the delivery of the message, and maybe even the message.
These elements are all the filters that determine which BIG Shinny button (trigger) you are pushing in the other person’s psyche and congruency plays a HUGE factor in that process!
In order to avoid the interruption conflict in the office when asking for or agreeing to provide help take some time to change your state – remember this can only takes a second or two to do.
Take that deep breath, SMILE, and ask for a moment to park what you are working on.
Look at the person and think about how happy you are they came to consult you, smile and offer your help.
Until next time, keep Discovering your Natural Abilities.
P.S. I look forward to your questions and comments about getting congruent!!